Five Questions You Get Asked When You're A Same Sex Couple

In June, my girlfriend and I will have been together for six years. We’ve learnt a lot in that time and not just about ourselves and each other, but also about other people and the questions and comments they often have about us and our relationship. I thought it’d be fun to share with you all some of the most popular questions we get asked and to see how many people can relate to this.

“Who wears the trousers?”

Ah, the classic. Two females in a relationship meaning there is a serious lack of jeans/trousers wearing of any sort going on. Obviously. Seriously though, prior to our relationship, I didn’t think people actually asked this question, but you’d be surprised how many people are confused about the lack of a male presence in our relationship and whether or not either of us wear trousers. We’re both known as “femme” which really confuses people because of course, in their minds, one of us should be “butch” to be as close to a male/female relationship as possible. I hate to break it to you all but sometimes neither of us wear trousers. Sometimes we’ll both be wearing skirts/dresses. Shocking, I know.

“Are you sisters?”

“Hey mister, she's my sister.” I’d apologise but it was the perfect opportunity to quote Rent so I’m not even sorry. For those who have seen Jade and I, you can see the uncanny resemblance between us. Her brown curly hair and green/blue eyes can understandably be confused with my practically black hair and my brown eyes. Personally, I don’t think we look anything alike nor do I feel like our closeness (when we dare hold hands in public) gives off a “sisters” vibe but maybe we are sending across that message. So, to clear up any confusion: we’re not sisters. It’s one thing assuming we’re friends but assuming we’re sisters makes me laugh. This one is definitely the funniest of all the questions we get asked though.

“Can I have a threesome?”

Who in their right mind would think that’s an appropriate question to ask two random girls on the street? You’d think nobody, right? Unfortunately, not. This is another frequent question we get asked. Mostly when we make the mistake of holding hands whilst walking in public. I know – how dare we? We’re asking for the inappropriate remarks. Women have had to deal with harassment of all kinds from men since the beginning of time and when you’re in a f/f relationship, this seems to amplify the male desire to be creepy and ask the most vulgar questions to complete strangers. So, just in case it needs further clarification – no, random man on the street, my girlfriend and I really do not want a threesome with you. Thanks for the offer though.

“How are you going to have kids?”

First of all, nosey Nigel, that’s not really any of your business. Secondly… not really an appropriate question to ask anyone, is it? Some people may be unable to have children and it could be a sore subject. Others might not even want kids. From IVF to adoption – there’s plenty of ways people can have children if they can’t have them the traditional way. And these options are all common knowledge so why that’s the first thing people ask when they see a same sex couple honestly baffles me. Again, I think the lack of a man in the relationship really confuses people.

“When are you going to get a boyfriend?”

I’m fairly certain we’re still going to be getting this question way into the future when we’re happily married. So many people don’t take our relationship seriously because neither of us are men so it’s obviously a phase and naturally we’ll get to a point and realise that we actually need to break up so we can go and find a boyfriend to make sure we’re in keeping with society and its stereotypes. Seriously though, nearly six years later and people still question when we’re going to get boyfriends. Newsflash: we’re not. Our relationship is valid and we don’t need a man to prove that.

Those are the main questions that we find ourselves faced with when in a same sex relationship. Some, like the sisters one, can be quite amusing but others, like the babies or threesome ones are just invasive and downright rude. It’s not easy being in a same sex relationship because of the stuff you have to deal with from other people but, at the end of the day, love is love and nothing will change that.