Coming Out: Five Years On

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The 3rd January 2019 marked five years since I came out. My coming out story isn’t overly exciting; I updated my relationship status on Facebook to display mine and Jade’s relationship and put a bit of a statement out that basically said ‘this is who I am and you can remove yourself from my life if you don’t like it’, which is what a lot of people did. My coming out didn’t go down well with a lot of people, and honestly it still doesn’t. Some of these people aren’t really in my life anymore; some are. Though I may still have people in my life who don’t agree with who I am or “approve” of my relationship, I don’t let this affect the way I live my life. I’m still me and I will no longer hide that.

We’re now in 2019 and though we have coined this year ‘20BiTeen’, we all know the world still has a lot of progress to make. From recognising that trans people deserve the same rights and protection as everyone else, to continuing to fight for the rights of LGBTQ+ people who are in situations or countries where their rights are suppressed and not recognised. A staggering number of people in the community are targets of violent prejudice behaviour and so many take their own lives because of the fear of not being accepted, of being a victim of violence and of the brutality of the judging public. In the five years I’ve been out; some progress has been made. In the year I came out, for example, gay marriage became legal across England, Wales and Scotland which was – of course – a huge step. However, as recently as this month, across the pond, Trump’s plan to ban trans people from the military was given the go ahead by The Supreme Court.

On a personal level, the past five years of being out have allowed me to grow (sadly not literally, I’m still only 5 feet tall) and has given me the confidence I so desperately needed to be me. Whether this has been through attending Pride with a rainbow or bi flag draped across me, or through wearing clothes that my pre coming out self probably wouldn’t have worn. I’m definitely not completely confident though and simple things like holding hands with my girlfriend in public is something that I’m not overly comfortable with. We’ve had many experiences of verbal homophobia whilst simply walking along and holding hands and this has definitely knocked my confidence when it comes to being who I am. I’m lucky in the sense that I have supportive friends around me and I know better than anyone that not everyone is that lucky. There were points in life just after I came out that Jade and I had nobody but each other, so I know to never take support for granted.

The biggest thing I’ve been grateful for in the five years I’ve been out is having my eyes opened. For so long I lived in fear of even being honest to myself about who I am and even though it’s far from perfect in the world we live in – my eyes have been opened to the millions of people like me and also to the importance of the fight for the rights of myself and those in the community. Love will always win.

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